hope fulfilled

i know you're probably surprised to hear from me.  after all, as my mom pointed out recently, it has been close to two months since i've written.  i've accepted that because of the nature of my business, this little blog will probably have some major peaks and valleys, but as the fall rush is gradually slowing i'm ready to once again overwhelm your eyeballs with photos of my darlings. 

but first...

josh and i decided this year to do something "christmas-y" with the kids each day between now and christmas.  we've got a handful of things already on the calendar - baking cookies, watching "rudolph", attending christmas concerts - but the first order of business was getting our tree up as soon as we got back home from our thanksgiving travels.  so yesterday we pulled the truckload of boxes out of the closet and set to work.  we assembled the tree, hung the lights, and started on the slew of ornaments.  the little ones excitedly grabbed handfuls of them out of the "kid box" while i gingerly unwrapped the ornaments out of the "super-special-please-don't-break-these" box.  i gently picked up one of my very favorites and turned it over to read the back for the 1000th time - for your child known only by god.  then like i have every year since 2005, i wept for the child we lost that year. 



like she has with every little one that has ever been a part of our family, my mom cross-stitched a special gift particularly for that baby and i hang the ornament in a prominent place on the tree each christmas.  but this year, as my mind moved from the loss of our second child all those years ago to judah's death last year, i couldn't help but wipe the tears and smile with joy as i remembered a post i wrote last christmas.  the sixth stocking is a story of grief and hope - grief over the tremendous loss our family had just experienced but hope that in the next year the lord would bless us with a child.  this is the third year that we've hung six stockings on our mantle but it's the first year that our house has been home to six people.  and now, just inches from that first ornament made by my mom is another that she recently gave us...




praising god for his faithfulness!

weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.

psalm 30:5

the anniversary

i woke up before the sun had yet risen thinking about him, but there were no tears, no falling apart. just that quiet sadness that's forever mingled with a contented peace.

last saturday was the one year anniversary of judah's death.

i was in memphis shooting anna and scott's wedding, and i knew that the whole day would be a whirlwind of activity and excitement. i thought that would probably be best. in fact, between getting out of the hotel, inhaling breakfast after a snafu at the local cracker barrel, making a wrong turn on the way to the church (my precious second-shooter, anna rootie, and i aren't the best navigators), and running around getting everything set up once we arrived, i truly hadn't had much time beyond those first early-morning moments to think about him or about what august 13 had held for our family just one year ago.

as i usually do, i met and chatted with some of the other wedding vendors for the day and ended up in conversation with the florist who was wrapping up the final details on her gorgeous work. as she was preparing to leave, she asked if i would do her a favor. sure, i replied.

there's one more set of flowers right here, but i don't have a name for who it belongs to. it's for a friend of anna's who lost her son last year at this time. anna asked if i would make it the same as the others but add a single blue rose in the center. would you mind helping me find who this belongs to?

as she looked away from the flowers to my face, my tears gave it away. i think that friend might be me, i said quietly. she put her hands over her mouth and said, i didn't know. i'm so sorry. i thanked her over and over for her beautiful work and assured her that the tears were all sweet now. yes, they still come easily when i talk a lot about judah, but crying doesn't necessarily mean anything bad. it just means i'm feeling.

thank you, anna, for such a precious and thoughtful gift to me on such an amazing day for you. i treasure the many calls and messages you've sent me throughout our adoption journey, and i'm so thankful for your constant encouragement. i love you, friend.

june 26

one year ago today, our lives changed dramatically.  funny thing is, we had no idea it was even happening.

june 26, 2010 - the day that a painfully small baby was born into the arms of his mother in ethiopia.  as most women there do, she labored and delivered him in the difficult conditions of her home, and after naming him after her father, she quietly walked - son in her arms - to the local orphanage and asked them to care for the child she called eyoel.



the world would say that this baby came into existence wrongly by an unknown man who forced his way, took what wasn't his.  but i know in my heart that it's so much more than that.

"for you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  i praise you because i am fearfully and wonderfully made."

psalm 139:13-14

four weeks after his arrival at the orphanage, eyoel's paperwork was finally processed and he was given a new family.  a new name.  we began the final steps in the process of adopting judah alexander lewis as our own.

the lord numbered judah's days at forty-nine here on this earth and the rest will be spent in an eternity with him in heaven.  

scripture tells us that god has a plan for each of our lives, but how much can a small, sickly baby really accomplish in a few short weeks?  ask these ladies...i bet they've got the answer.  we met them because of judah.  we love and serve them because the lord graciously ushered them into our lives through judah's death.

as we sang songs of praise this morning at church, tears formed in my eyes as i remembered the immeasurable joy our family had on the day judah was birthed into our lives.

but even more than that, i wept with comfort and anticipation of the promise we also sang about:  "hallelujah, he has saved me.  sin and death shall reign no more!"  

come, lord jesus!

"...weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."

psalm 30:5

god-math

UPDATE:  after today's mail run and a precious friend's delivery to our house tonight, YOU have given $890 to the women and children of sadamo genet.  (and if you do the god-math, that equals $3,560!!!)  but don't stop now - if we can give that much in four days, imagine what the lord can lead us to do by the time good friday comes!!

ORIGINAL POST:
i've never claimed to be a genius.  in fact, since josh and i began the blessed journey of parenthood, i would come closer to saying that i've engaged in a bit of a "brains for babies" trade-off.  the old noggin isn't quite as sharp as it probably once was (as evidenced by the fact that yesterday i walked upstairs with the sole intent of retrieving the dirty clothes baskets and came down empty-handed.  three times). 

but i can do simple math.

even my 1st grader's got this one down.  as she sits at our kitchen table completing her math lesson each day, she can whip out some addition and "equals/does not equal" facts.  take this one, for example:
$1,000 = $1,000, right? 

not so in god-math.

if you've been us following for a while, you know that this journey started out more than two years ago when the lord called us to adopt a baby from ethiopia.  in july 2010 we fell in love with the son we had waited so long to have.  the next month we clung desperately to one another here while he was being buried in an unmarked grave there.  we had thought we were naming judah for life here on earth; but in actuality, his name - "to praise" - held far more more meaning for our lives here on earth and his eternal life with christ.  by god's spirit our hearts and eyes were opened wide to the many needs of ethiopia and her people, and days after judah's death, the lord graciously began a work that i wrote about in this post.  here's an excerpt:

on friday when we got the phone call that judah had died that morning, the forceful weight of grief came crushing down on us.  and i didn't just do the weeping thing.  i did the lay-on-the-floor-in-a-fetal-position-sobbing-so-hard-that-i-could-barely-breathe thing.

it wasn't pretty.

but i just couldn't escape that still, quiet voice that kept reminding me of the very purpose for which we had named our precious baby.  judah - "to praise".  i suppose it's one of the mysteries of the LORD, but josh and i felt that judah's death could wreck our hearts while simultaneously provide us with a beautiful opportunity to praise GOD for his goodness, mercy, and love.  through the pain, we clung desperately to isaiah 55:8-11: 

"for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.  "as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.  as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what i desire and achieve the purpose for which i sent it."

we knew that GOD had a larger purpose in what was happening -- we just didn't know what it was, and we surely didn't know how to get there.  so we prayed...

we prayed for the LORD to extend judah's influence far beyond the six weeks he lived on earth.  we asked him to give us clear direction on how we should move ahead.  but most importantly, we prayed that through his grace, we could affect significant change in judah's name -- for GOD's glory.   

our prayer became this: "please multiply the reach and the effect of this story."

we had soon partnered with compassion international to support - in judah's name - a child survival program in the small village of sadamo genet, ethiopia.  it was our utter delight and joy to meet the mothers and babies there in february of this year and listen as they shared with us stories of hope, healing, and provision.  but even greater than that, the women served there heard the gospel for the first time through the work of compassion and its supporters, and sixteen of those precious mothers have surrendered their lives for god's glory.

fast-forward to this past week when i received an email from our case worker, patricia, letting us know that four babies had died due to a measles outbreak in the community that quietly found its way to the doorstep of the orphanage there.  in some ways it felt like i was going back to that day in august when patricia told me that judah had died.  so armed with god's leading - and a donor who was willing to match the first $1,000 that we could raise for the sadamo genet CSP - we set out on a mission.  $1,000 equals $2,000.

by the time tuesday morning rolled along, a second donor had offered to match the first $1,000 as well.  $1,000 equals $3,000.

today is thursday.  josh called me down to his office first thing this morning because he needed to tell me "something important".  as i rounded the corner i immediately searched his face for a hint of what was to come.  the glimmer in his eye gave away the fact that what he was about to say was good.  i just didn't know how good.

yes, the lord has stirred the heart of yet ANOTHER $1,000 matching donor!!!  now $1,000 equals $4,000.

when we commit our hearts and our resources to eternally impacting the lives of others, we're acting in obedience to the lord's commands in scripture.  he honors that obedience, he blesses that obedience, and clearly, he multiplies that obedience as well.

and that, my friends, is god-math.    

*the instructions below are copied from the original post.  i'm both marveling and giggling at the bolded phrase.*

IMPORTANT:  in order to be able to track all giving toward the $1,000, i need to receive the money here and send it in collectively to compassion.  please send your tax-deductible checks (payable to compassion international!!) to me, and i'm going to send them in to compassion on good friday (april 22), and i'm praying fervently that by the prompting of the holy spirit, i will have a minimum of $2,000 to deliver on that powerful day.  if you are uncomfortable mailing your check to me, please donate online HERE (but comment or email me with your giving amount so that i can add it to the needed $1,000).  

"but who am i, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this?  everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand."

1 chronicles 29:14

NEEDED: $1,000

it was the first time in a while that i had felt that feeling.  that sick at my stomach, this-shouldn't-be-happening feeling.  i was sitting at my computer late thursday night catching up on work when i saw an email from our adoption case worker, patricia, that i hadn't read yet.  we've been getting the thursday update for a while now, so i opened it expecting the typical news of the current happenings in ethiopia as it pertains to their government and adoption.  but what my eyes soon fell on were words that made a lump form in my throat...

"tragedy struck this past week at shashemene (an ethiopian orphanage that our agency works with) as a measles outbreak claimed the lives of four infants.  thought to be carried into the orphanage by a child who had been hospitalized, the crisis sent several more children to the hospital as a result of the accompanying secondary pneumonia."

"claimed the lives of four infants."  that phrase crept down to the innermost parts of my being and painfully reminded me of the phone call we got from patricia on august 13, 2010.   it struck me that after reading her thursday email this week, i now know of five babies within about 150 miles of one another who died from preventable disease.  150 miles.  that's about the distance from birmingham to atlanta.

if you're like me - and i'm guessing you are - you don't know five babies who have died from measles or pneumonia in your area.  in fact, i'm guessing none of us know five babies who have died in a matter of six months from anything.  and certainly not preventable disease.  i imagine that five infant deaths within a short period of time in our area would cause not only a panic, but an uproar.  we would demand answers, and we would demand a solution.

well folks, i'm on a mission to effect change in ethiopia through a present solution, and i'm asking you to please join me.

as most of you know, after judah died we partnered with compassion international to sponsor a child survival program in sadamo genet in memory of our son.  and in february, the lord blessed us beyond measure by allowing us visit that program and spend time laughing with, crying with, and learning from the mothers and children who are served there.  before you read another word here, please read about our trip to sadamo genet if you haven't already.   i can't imagine closing the page of that story and not being changed.  those women are real, their children are real, and their needs are great.  

in light of the obvious, dire, and ongoing concerns within the village of sadamo genet - spiritual, medical, developmental, etc. - i would like to challenge us all to answer the call of 1 john 3:17-18 and spend our worldly goods on behalf of those in need.  let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.  food for their hungry bodies and food for their hungry souls.  it just doesn't get any better than that.

BUT HERE'S WHERE IT GETS REALLY, REALLY EXCITING...

a donor has come forward and has offered to match the first $1,000 that is given to compassion for the sake of the mothers and babies at sadamo genet.

WHAT?!?  count with me, people...that's $2,000 that can literally help save the lives of children like judah and those precious four babies that died this week at shashemene by providing them with proper nutrition, preventative medical care, and needed sick care.  i have hugged these necks and held these babies.  oh please see the true impact of your giving.

this is gadisa (the little guy who's pictured on the main page for the sadamo genet program.) 

on the day that micah officially became our son, this blog received almost 1,400 hits in a matter of hours.  let's be really conservative and say that half of those hits were duplicate visits.  that's 700 people that joined in celebration with us as the lord showed himself mighty in light of some enormous obstacles.  700 people that cared enough to share our story.  now if each of those 700 people donated even the cost of a single meal at a typical american restaurant, we could have the needed $1,000 knocked out in no time.  think about it - this could be so simple but so huge!

so here's what i'm asking you to do:  GIVE to the babies of ethiopia.  do you need to think about it?  pray about it?  i'm going to respectfully answer with a big, fat NO on that one.  you can scarcely turn to a book in scripture in which the lord doesn't command his followers to serve, look after, defend, share with, or show kindness for those in need.  let's give!!

IMPORTANT:  in order to be able to track all giving toward the $1,000, i need to receive the money here and send it in collectively to compassion.  please send your tax-deductible checks (payable to compassion international) to me, and i'm going to send them in to compassion on good friday (april 22), and i'm praying fervently that by the prompting of the holy spirit, i will have a minimum of $2,000 to deliver on that powerful day.  if you are uncomfortable mailing your check to me, please donate online HERE (but comment or email me with your giving amount so that i can add it to the needed $1,000). 

thank you so very much - and i really mean this - for caring about our story, for supporting our family, and for loving the children of ethiopia.  it's truly a marvelous place!  i'm eternally grateful that my heart has been tuned to the beauty and needs of that country, and i'm praying that yours will be as well.

REPOST this.  TWEET this.  TALK IT UP on facebook.  

help me raise $1,000 in twelve days!!

the prayer list

i'm overwhelmed with thankfulness for you, the precious friends and family who have sent us notes and messages letting us know that you're praying for us and asking how you can continue to be praying from this point on.  there are some very specific things we're putting before the lord for this next week, and we would be honored to have you join with us in these:

• please pray for an overwhelming peace to cover our children's hearts while we're gone.  the longest they've ever been away from us was for a single night, and even then, we were in the same city. 
• pray for safe travels for us to and from ethiopia (via germany) as well as for our families that will be driving our little people around in birmingham.  as we understand all too well, highway 280 can be a dangerous place!
• speaking of the family that will be with our kids, josh's mom is driving over from atlanta in the morning for us to leave.  she'll be at our house with the kids until saturday at which point she and my sister, bethany, will hand the kids off for them to go stay at bethany's house in childersburg.  here's the kicker...bethany has 1, 2, and 4-year-olds of her own so she's going to have an enormous handful.  whereas i tend to be high-strung, bethany is as easy-going as they come so i'm sure they'll be just fine.  but please pray for grandpam and bethany as they're adjusting to caring for three extra little people.
• we'll arrive in ethiopia late wednesday night and thursday morning is when we expect to meet micah for the first time.  i'm practically bursting at the seams with excitement over that moment!  please pray that he's well, we're well, and that we're able to spend some sweet, intimate time with our baby boy.
• on saturday, compassion international has arranged for us to spend the day visiting the child survival program that we partnered with them for after judah died.  while we're incredibly excited about it, i'm a bit anxious as well.  this will be about the time that we're hoping to visit the cemetery where judah is buried, and everything about those two wrapped up together enters a very tender part of my heart.  please pray that god will hold us close but that he will use that time to further open our eyes to the dire need for effective poverty and orphan ministry in countless places around the world.
• please, please be in prayer for us as we appear in court on monday morning, february 7 (which will be the middle of the night-ish on sunday here in the states).  a favorable ruling means that MICAH IS OURS!  we've heard from our agency that cases have about a 50/50 pass rate, and not passing court can be due to anything from a missing signature to the judge's desire for more paperwork.  
• but above all (and in place of everything above, if needed), we are praying that god will continue to write this story in a way that only he receives great glory.  we're not exactly the poster family for an easy or smooth adoption process, but i know this:  over these past 27 months, we have come to know the lord more intimately, we have felt his presence more strongly, and we have learned far more than we thought we could about his love and his grace.  i truly believe that it's all worth it.

for some reason, i thought that rather than write it down, it was a good idea to keep the running prayer list tucked away in my brain.  well, between the 872 other to-do's in there and the cerebral frying pan  known as "the flu", i feel like i've forgotten so much of the things i wanted to mention.  but for now, please pray with us for the situations above, and if the lord impresses something on your heart, please be in prayer for that (and pass in along too!)

much, much love to you all, and we hope to see you soon (as a family of six!)

adoption

at the time, the question felt piercing, heavy, and in some ways, difficult to discuss.  it's not that i didn't know the answer, but within the confines of my often self-conscious, always limited being, i felt like i was crawling inside myself and butchering the beauty of what god was doing in our lives.

"why would god call you to adopt, particularly in a way that could prove to be so incredibly difficult for you and your family?"

the roots of the question ran deep and wrapped tightly around issues related to fear, financial pressures, racial concerns, and spiritual wrestling to name a few.  i think i blubbered out something related to god's sovereignty, his movement in our lives, and the fact that he tells us in scripture that his ways are not our ways (read: "his calling just doesn't make sense by the world's standards sometimes").  yes, those things are right and true, but if i'm being honest, those were just rote answers that i had tucked away in my brain from lessons long ago.

the real answer lies in a story...

november 2008.  a couple of eager 30-somethings sat on the couch in their living room and began talking seriously about what they had mulled over for years now.  the house was quiet as their four-year-old, two-year-old, and 10-month-old slept soundly in their rooms upstairs.  did it make sense to add yet another little person into their family of several already-present little people?  and was adopting from africa seriously a good plan?  many talks and countless prayers later, neither of them could shake what the holy spirit was speaking so plainly to their hearts. 

adopt.  from ethiopia.

january 2009.  they filed the paperwork to begin the adoption process, and almost immediately they were met with what can only be accurately described as enormous hurdles.  resistance, painful conversations, huge waves of expenses...and an accident that threw the husband of our little story into emergency surgery on the day their home study was to begin.  two camps quickly emerged:  the "see, if this were god's will for you, this would go a lot easier" side and the "trust, persevere, and rely even more on god" side.

and the eager 30-somethings?  they sat timidly dead on the middle of the fence and prayed to confidently join the latter.

as time went by assurance grew, faith blossomed, and on july 30, 2010 the couple ecstatically celebrated the first tangible fruit of their journey:  the birth of a new baby into their lives.  but before the euphoria even had time to wane, a tsunami-sized wave crashed over their unsuspecting hearts.  poverty, disease, and death claimed the earthly life of the baby they so desperately loved and wanted. 

hours of heart-ripping-apart agony turned into long days of the same, which gradually transformed into an entirely different form of pain.  he stayed strong, but she - that self-sufficient, got-it-all-together gal - began to unravel.  oh, you didn't see it happening.  nobody did.  she became the master of carefully donning her mask of okay-ness each morning, only to throw it off each night as she tried to sleep.  the vision of her baby's stiff, lifeless body haunted her dreams, and little by little, she slipped off into her own private world of unbearable pain, sin, and loneliness. 

as she spent her days convincing her family and friends that she was doing just fine, another story was being written on the other side of the world.  days after birth, a tiny baby was found on the corner of a dark street in ethiopia.  no home, no family, not a thing to call his own.  by the world's standards, he was a helpless mess and didn't have a thing to offer.  he desperately needed someone to come save him.  when the couple learned about him, it became their mission to give him a home, to give him love, and to give him life. 

as these two stories collide, it brings us back to the question that started this whole thing:  why would god call you to adopt in this way?  my friends, after more ugliness and pain than i can express right now, i can tell you confidently that i now know the answer. 

it's because adoption is god's specialty. 

"god decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through jesus christ. this is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure."  ephesians 1:5 (NLT)

i am her.  i'm the broken 30-something that lay a crumpled heap on the floor.  and by the world's standards i, too, was a helpless mess and didn't have a thing to offer.  i, too, desperately needed Someone to come save me - to give me a home, to give me love, and to give me life. 

"what a wretched (wo)man i am!  who will rescue me from this body of death?  thanks be to god - through jesus christ our lord!" (romans 7:24)

never in my life has the lord's love and grace been so evident to me as it has been over these past few weeks.  i, myself, was an orphan, separated from my perfect, holy creator by an infinite chasm of sin and rebellion.  "but god demonstrates his own love for us in this:  while we were still sinners, christ died for us"  (romans 5:8).  was my adoption into god's family an easy path?  was the journey quick and painless?  far from it!  as you read in the previous verse, the reconciliation of a wretched sinner to a holy god comes at a great price, and acceptance of that undeserved grace is the only way to be adopted as the lord's own. 

as for my own personal suffering, it "just so happens" that david platt spoke directly to this in church today.  he asked, "how can the world see a suffering christ in me if everything goes perfectly in my life?"  no pain, no difficulty, no reason to need anything beyond myself.  these last two years - those marked by hurt, intense struggle, and death - brought me to the end of me and, praise god, laid me squarely at the feet of christ.  it took me awhile.  and in all honesty, when i was at them i despised some of the stops along this journey.  but i can finally answer that question from so long ago:  as an undeserving recipient of god's limitless love and infinite grace, it's my honor and joy to thankfully reflect the beauty of my own new life by bringing a precious baby boy home to be ours and to tell him an even bigger, more glorious story of love, sacrifice, and adoption. 

as i shared with a friend this week, this story is such a dramatic mix of raw ugliness and intense beauty, and it points directly to the greatest story i know: 

"once you were alienated from god and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior.  but now he has reconciled you by christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemisn and free from accusation."  

colossians 1:21-22

no, you didn't get left off the mailing list

i love every part of the christmas card process.  i love taking the photo, designing the card, and ripping open the box when the man in brown delivers the cards to my door (ok, i can't stand addressing all of the envelopes, but that doesn't sound very cheery, now does it?).  but last year as we were saving up money for our adoption expenses, we made the decision to forgo the paper card portion of the season in lieu of a cute little online ditty that we could share with all of our family and friends.

but then the christmas photography rush came, and our plans never made it past the first thought.

well this year, i'm proud to say that while i don't have any witty year-in-review letter to share with you like i had hoped to, i do have a picture.  on a card.  on the internet.  whoo-hoo!!!!

(you can click on the card to make it big enough to actually read.)

since the christmas letter didn't make it to fruition, i thought i would link back to a few of our favorite posts from 2010.  some make me laugh, some make me cry.  but they're all a part of our story.

january.  the month i was really funny.  i don't know what got into me (or, more importantly, where it's gone since then), but january's stories make me giggle.  the new year started out with a bang (and not necessarily a good one) that i documented through song here and here.  i wrote a blurb about our not-always-so-reverent family worship time, and for you fellow adoptive-mommies-in-waiting, "god's voice in the waiting" is a must read.  while the baby we really want home isn't here yet, we did add one member to our family early this year.  she's a gem.  and yes, i did dress her up for the photos.  :-)

the "overheard at our house today..." posts are true reflections of what goes on in the house of the five lewis crew.  this one makes me crack up every time i read it (as long as i'm not trying to eat at the same time).  and although this conversation with myself wasn't technically an "overheard" post, it's definitely telling of some of the real parts of life around here. 

july 30 was one of the best days of our year while august 13 was the worst.  i could link into so, so many other posts during the weeks following judah's death - moments i forgot, days that i ugly-cried, the gift of answered prayers - but this is the day i want to remember and celebrate the most. 

what a year it has been!  the blessing of a beach trip with friends and a mountain trip with family, the scares of a car accident and a hospital admission, and the pain of growth.  we've climbed to the mountaintop and we've tumbled into the valley.  it's our story, and we're trusting the lord to bring about great good for us and great glory for himself through the events of this past year.

MERRY CHRISTMAS and much love to you all!

the sixth stocking

every year we hang the stockings across the mantle on our fireplace as we decorate for christmas.  and for two years now, we've hung six stockings -- five for us, and one for him.  last christmas, i hung the sixth stocking with a heavy heart as i accepted that not only was he not going to be home with us for the holidays as we had hoped but that we weren't even close to the day when we would finally hold him.

we were over a year into the adoption process but what seemed like an eternity away from our baby. 

2010 has proven to be quite the year for our adoption journey.  if we were disappointed with the slow pace of 2009, we've been sometimes overwhelmed with the heart-extremes of 2010.  on june 26, judah entered this world, a child born out of unimaginable circumstances but loved by the mother who spared his life.  on july 30, we learned he would be ours.

i know this photo by heart.  i stared at it and several others like it for what seemed like hours when we got our referral paperwork.  his tiny five-pound frame, his bloated belly, his big brown eyes...it's all etched in some sweet place in my heart.  he was ours.

but within a week, our agency had contacted us to let us know that he was sick.  it didn't seem serious at first, but within a couple of days, judah was fighting to take even his next breath.  on august 12, our family did what we had done every other day, and we prayed for judah's life...but even more than that, we prayed for god's glory.

judah died the next day.  august 13 will forever and always be a day of extreme emotion for me.  on one front, i lost my child that day, and unimaginable pain accompanies that loss.  several very loving and well-meaning people have said, "well at least you didn't have him home yet" or "at least you hadn't held him yet."  i totally get where they're coming from, but what you have to understand is that the lord had been growing an intense love for that baby in our hearts for 21 months at that point.  holding him or not holding him...he was as much a part of our family as i am.

the other side of that story, though, is that judah, by his death, was fulfilling the name we gave him in his life.  at the moment i learned that my baby had left this world, he was bowing at the feet of our savior doing what my soul longs for.  to praise. 

but there was another tapestry being quietly and intricately woven at the same time as this one.  on october 12, i remember seeing a different baby's face for the first time on my computer screen, and in a way, being afraid to fall in love with it.  even now, three months after judah's death, the tears fall freely.  but something happened when josh and i looked to see this baby's birthday.  yes, june 26 was judah's birthday, but as the lord would so sweetly have it, it was also the day that micah was born.

as the weeks have gone by, i've surrendered my guarded mind to my bursting heart, and i've fallen madly in love with the baby we've named "who is like our god?".  the lord has proven himself sovereign, faithful, loving, and merciful during these past two years, so a name that reflects the lessons of this journey seemed perfectly fitting.

so why all of this now?  this morning we received news of our court date in ethiopia.  in 56 days, we'll finally hold the baby we've prayed for for so long.  in 56 days, we'll be melting with love for the baby our arms have ached for for two years now.  yes, in 56 days, we'll meet our son, micah.

a couple of people we've talked with throughout the day have asked specifically what they can do for us as we prepare to travel.  and at this point, we really would ask you to be in prayer for logistics.  separating parents from children, dealing with multiple countries, languages, and airlines, and attempting to weave our way through seemingly endless red tape is enough to make a person crazy (crazier, perhaps).  our journey to this point has been anything but smooth, and while we're not expecting a perfect move from point a to point b, we are praying for peace, and we're asking the lord to quickly reunite our family (all six of us) for our joy and for his glory.

we'd really love to have a little one home with his stocking next christmas.  :-)

in love he predestined us for adoption as sons through jesus christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the beloved.

eph. 1:5-6

black friday re-think

many moons ago, my mother-in-law, sisters-in-law, and i started a tradition of waking up at dark:thirty in atlanta on black friday and hitting the area malls (plural) to knock out all the shopping for our christmas lists.  we got amazing deals, we found gifts that everybody would like, and we had more fun than any women should at 4 in the morning.

but things are a little different this year.

yes, our whole country is in an unrivaled economic state (at least in my lifetime), but for us, it's even more personal than that.  through judah's death, all of our families' eyes have been opened to a world that's vastly different than ours here in the united states.  a world where dirty water and substandard medical care lead down a path of destruction.  a world where common childhood illnesses literally end children's lives.

so what do you and i do with that?

what i'm NOT suggesting is that we all boycott christmas gifts this year (not that that's a bad thing, though).  :-)  as a matter of fact, the other crazy ladies and i will be visiting kohl's bright and early on black friday again this year.  but...our families have all pitched in on a few ideas of how to spend our money more wisely, and in many cases, for the great good of others.  i'd love to share...

• think about drawing names rather than buying for every single member of your family.  this is taking shape in a couple of different ways across our extended families, but it's a great way for each person to have something to open without the unnecessary "pile 'o gifts" that often appears this time of year.  plus, the leftover money can be donated to your favorite charity in your family's name!!
• skip the mass merchandisers and buy from shops or individuals who are selling for a cause.  a portion of the sales from allison lewis photography go to support the child survival program that compassion international helped us set up in memory of baby judah, and i've been selling christmas cards to help raise money to bring micah home.  but if you're not in the market for swanky christmas cards or photos, my friend, lora, has put together a killer list of everything from jewelry to artwork to coffee cuffs.  and the best part is that every item on the list is being sold to help bring a little one home to his or her forever family (including lora's own hopesuds all-natural laundry detergent).  click HERE to peruse and shop from her master list...you won't be disappointed!
• mine and josh's hearts have been really heavy for the stuff-itis that permeates our culture, and we've made a lot of decisions to try to guide our children's hearts to things that are not of this world.  one of the ways that we've done that is by keeping christmas very "small" (read: a couple of inexpensive gifts per child) with their third gift being the picture of the new child we were sponsoring through compassion international that year.  the rest of the year (and beyond) is then spent exchanging letters, pictures, handmade cards, stickers, and questions about each other's lives a continent away.  what a precious opportunity to teach children here about the lives of children there.  it's fun, it's eye-opening, and it's educational.  but most importantly, it helps turn our children's hearts away from themselves and toward the needs of others.  
• we're detouring from that path a little this year, and i'm uber-pumped about our kids' last gift this christmas.  compassion has launched a new "gifts of compassion catalog" in which they list gifts ranging from a $10 mosquito net to a $5,000 major surgery.  we're wrapping up the catalog and then letting our kids each choose one gift (from the front half of the catalog!) to give to a child in need.  we've got bets on what we think they'll each choose: we're guessing jack will pick a soccer ball, abby will choose a new mom health kit, and izzy will go for a chicken.  :-)  i'll be sure to post the results after christmas day.

i pray that you have a wonderful and blessed thanksgiving.  and as you're shopping on black friday, just remember that instead of that "lovely" christmas reindeer sweater, you could be buying someone a goat instead!

"do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.  for where your treasure is, 

there your heart will be also."

matthew 6:19-20

"who is like our god?"

so it's been a while since i've posted on here, huh? and it's really been a long time since i've written anything of substance.

well get ready because that's about to change.  :-)

i've wrestled greatly with how much of these past couple of months to share - or if i should even share them at all.   here are some of the thoughts that have been swimming around in my head...

"allison, don't be TOO honest with everybody. people love hearing about the happy ending, but some folks are afraid of the painful and ugly path it took to get there." 
"ooh, be careful sharing that part. don't want people to think you're weak in your faith." 
"YIKES -- that's deep stuff! you'd better keep that to yourself so you don't worry anybody." 
but the loudest voice echoed, "if you talk, somebody out there might question the lord's goodness and love."

so i kept quiet.

here's how it happened:  judah died on august 13, 2010.  you can scroll back through that month to read more about what all transpired during that time, but this is what occurred with me personally.  i shared a bit in the early days about how painful that was, but i felt an overwhelming desire to turn the tragedy of judah's death into a launching pad for action.  GOD was tremendously gracious in allowing us to connect with compassion international to set up sponsorships for a child survival program in the city in which judah passed away, and while i was wholeheartedly joyful in that...

i was wholeheartedly broken at the same time.

i couldn't shake the image of our five-pound son's face.  i constantly pictured his big brown eyes staring right into mine from the surface of my favorite photo of him.  i tried to escape the vision of his last breaths as he lay in the bed of a sub-standard hospital thousands of miles of red tape and poverty away.  his chest rose, his chest fell.  it rose, and it fell.  it rose again.  and then it stopped.  and as i would try to drift off to sleep at night, i would be gripped by the thought of death's stiff hold on his lifeless body.

i talked a lot about following in the meaning of judah's name -- "to praise" -- and i tried to show a strong, faithful presence when i wrote and when i talked with friends and family, but the truth is that in many ways, i felt like i was crumbling inside.  unfortunately (or, perhaps, sovereignly) judah's death came during a time of questioning for me -- a sort of crisis of faith, if you will.  not a "do i believe what i think i believe?" sort of crisis but rather a period of really wrestling with the truth of GOD's character and his promises.  i had been deeply burdened over a particular circumstance, and when GOD didn't show himself in that situation the way i had begged (and expected) him to do, i started searching for some answers.

i remember praying this: "LORD, help me to really understand your love, your sovereign power, and your character."

shortly after that, a nasty snowball of yuck began when the kids and i were in a car accident that totaled our van.  a couple of days later, we got word that judah was critically ill in the hospital -- and then he was gone.  there are several factors i can see that contributed, but it was ultimately my own choices that landed me in what is decidedly the darkest place in which i've ever dwelt.  eventually, my decisions led me to put my comfort and peace -- my hope -- in things outside of the LORD. 

no, i don't care to share beyond that at this point.  josh and a trusted friend know the story; they've bathed me in scripture, truth, and prayer.  one day i'll chat -- but today's not that day.

i tried to pray, but god was silent.

i tried to sing.  god was silent.

and eventually, much like the learned behavior of babies in an overwhelmed orphanage, i got silent myself.  i felt so distant from him that i couldn't even muster up the words to speak to GOD; and even if i had, i truly believed at that point that they would once again be met...with silence.

i just kept reading lamentations 3:31-32, 24:  "for men are not cast off by the LORD forever.  though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.  i say to myself, 'the LORD is my portion; therefore i will wait for him.'"  i didn't know what else to do -- but wait.

ok, now that you're probably thinking i've lost my mind, heart, confidence, faith -- or some combination thereof -- let me share with you the rest of the story...

little by little, i began to feel the LORD drawing me back to himself.  at that point, i had truly reached the end of myself -- there was absolutely nothing left.  as the epitome of a type-A, independent gal, my emptiness made me feel, well, empty.  i wasn't used to not being able to fix things, not being able to find the answers...and i certainly wasn't used to putting on a mask of "okay-ness" so that nobody knew i was falling apart.

slowly and sovereignly, GOD began to do a couple of big things in my heart and life.  he gently acknowledged what i was learning, that no, i couldn't do this on my own -- not life, not death, not anything.  but just as huge as that was his intimate lesson in grace.  it was already obvious...i had screwed this whole thing up.  but he lovingly and graciously drew me in, forgave me, and began to make me whole again.

how have i been a believer for 21 years and i'm just now feeling like i'm even scratching the surface on the amazing grace of my GOD?

hmmm..."LORD, help me to really understand your love, your sovereign power, and your character."

october 12, 2010.  60 days almost to the minute of finding out that judah was gone.  we received a call from our social worker telling us about a little guy in ethiopia who desperately needed a family.  yes, yes, yes!  send us his information!  as we opened up the email, we learned of his birthday -- june 26, 2010.  judah's birthday.  is this baby a replacement for judah?  absolutely not.  what he is is a gift and a blessing from a GOD who sovereignly chose him for our family before any of us even had breath.

and his name?  it's a little reflection of something that i've been learning a lot about lately...

micah.  "who is like our god?"

my ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.

job 42:5

AAAGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

8:45 this morning.  the phone rang, but i couldn't find the one phone in our house with a working caller ID.  i risked the early morning conversation with a vacuum cleaner salesman and answered.

"allison?"  it was the voice i've become so familiar with over the past year or so.  but unlike the last call i took from patricia at that same time, this conversation filled us with joy.  i squealed as she began to tell us about a baby in ethiopia who has been set apart for our family.  family history, medical information, height, weight...and birthday.

june 26, 2010.  the same as judah's.

is that the actual day of his birth?  probably not.  families and orphanage workers in third world countries spend far less time celebrating the day of a baby's birth and much more of it trying to sustain the child's life.  but the uncertainty of that precise date doesn't mean that much to us.  what matters is that we loved judah desperately.  we lost him tragically.  and god has blessed us graciously with another child to love, care for, and raise to know the love that the lord has for us, his adopted children.

much more in a few days...

somebody to bunk with

we had been in the bicycle aisle for about twenty minutes already letting jack try out a "big-boy bike" that he has no idea he's getting for his birthday next month.  we talked, we laughed, and we apologized profusely to the lady he almost took out because of his total lack of understanding when it comes to brakes.

but i had more important things to do. 

as i was laying in bed reading late last night, something caught my eye.  i looked up and saw a roach walking precariously along the crown molding -- right. above. my. head.  based on my reaction, it might as well have been a rabid pit bull because in one swift frenzy of a move, i threw the covers back, flew out of bed, shook josh awake, and whisper-yelled something to the effect of, "A ROACH IS ABOUT TO FALL ON YOUR FACE!!"

he was up.

i don't do roaches.  so i had made it my mission to hit wal-mart first thing this morning to get some concoction of spray/bait/house/bomb that would get rid of any and all friends our late-night invader might have had.  so as we made our way from the bike aisle to the annihilate roaches aisle, we passed by a furniture section.  as we've recently been looking at houses and talking about new sleeping arrangements for all the little people, we've mentioned the possibility of getting bunk beds.

so when we approached an adorable bunk bed set with blue bedding on it, i excitedly said, "look jack!  you and judah could sleep on beds like that one day!  you could sleep on the top one, and he could sleep on the bottom one."

i looked at him expecting a big "wow!" reaction of some sort, but he was just staring at me with this weird kind of look on his face.

and then it hit me.

i moved my eyes over to josh and said quietly, "i'm sorry.  i don't know why i just said that."

it's weird how much a part of our family judah still feels.  how do i miss somebody i never met?  and how does his absence feel so strong when he was never really present?  i loved that little boy so very much, and i don't suppose that's ever going to change.

sad night.  sad mommy.

but because i'm trying to get better about getting back to the picture part of this blog, here's one that always makes me happy and thankful...

one day jack will have somebody to bunk with, too.

at which point i ugly-cried

over the past week, we've really been in a good place.  it's not that we don't hurt.  as a matter of fact, i can hardly look at judah's pictures without needing to wipe the tears that begin to creep down my cheeks.  but we're grieving with hope, and that kind of grieving is actually a really beautiful thing.

when i got home from the wedding i shot this past weekend, there was a box sitting on the kitchen countertop.  i asked josh if he knew what it was, and he said, "yes, your mom asked me to give it to you but she said you probably shouldn't open it tonight.  i think she knew you'd be tired from shooting the whole day and she didn't want you to get upset." 

the wheels immediately began whirling in my mind trying to figure out what could be tucked inside that brown box, but as my mom had predicted, the nonstop action of the day was catching up with me and the wheels began slowing to a crawl, eventually stopping as i finally hit the hay.  the next morning, i got up early to get the kids and me ready for church.  my plan was working perfectly...i was showered, blown dry, and putting my mascara on when the first little foot came pit-pattering into my room.  we all came downstairs, i got the kids' breakfast going, and then i set my sights on the box.  josh serves in a homeless ministry downtown on sunday mornings so he wasn't home yet, but i couldn't wait any longer so i grabbed the box, pulled off the tape, and lifted out one of the most precious gifts i've ever received...

here's what you're looking at:  my mom cross-stitched every single part of this gorgeous pillow using colors, animals, and scenery that she thought would mean something special to judah.  and the second i saw her gift, it started.  it wasn't a gradual build-up of tears or an easy entrance into weeping.  no, it was a complete, immediate, and total come-apart that only got worse as my fingers gently moved across the beautiful stitches that she worked months to complete. 

i ran to the phone, dialed her number as quickly as i could, and tried to tell her through my sobs how much her gift of love meant to me.  unfortunately, she got going as well and told me with a pitiful, cracking voice that she had originally begun the pillow with the thought that he could snuggle with it on the plane on his way home, but when he passed away, she redesigned the plan for the middle section and sent it to me as a gift of remembrance for our son. 

mom, there are no words to describe how much i love this precious gift.  it means the world to know that you invested so much of your time and heart into creating something so perfect (both for judah's life and for his death).  i love you dearly, and i'm so thankful for an amazing mom like you.

even if you did make me ugly-cry just after i finished my makeup.   ;-)

"the LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away.

blessed be the name of the LORD."

job 1:21

it's live!

the day that judah died, one of my oldest and dearest friends called to chat.  the second i answered the phone, she knew something was seriously wrong.  i don't even remember what all we said that day other than this:  we agreed that nothing happens outside of the LORD's sovereign hand and that he could and would use even the death of a very sick, very defenseless six-week-old to bring about great good.

what was that good going to be??  oh, so much more than i could have imagined!!

we've gotten emails, calls, and notes from people we live life with everyday, people we're just getting to know, and others we've never even met before letting us know that because of judah's story, the reality of issues like poverty and orphan care have become real and tangible for the very first time in their lives.  more than just a story you read or a quick blurp you see on the television, judah's life and death are having deep impact and are driving people to seek the LORD, to know the LORD, and to take action.  GOD has been so gracious to our family in letting us take part in this process and to see the fruits begin to flourish from what seemed to be a hopeless situation.

yes, the good news is in, my friends -- compassion international has the addis ababa, ethiopia CSP up and running online now, and we all have the blessing and the opportunity to have a direct impact on the lives of mothers and babies who live in the very place where our son died.

judah was so underweight and small when he was born.  the child survival program teaches mothers proper prenatal care to enable them to deliver healthy babies.

within a couple of weeks of his birth, it was clear that judah wasn't growing or gaining weight well.   the child survival program teaches families about good nutrition and helps get them to a place of healthier living through the provision of vitamins and nutrients in conjunction with eating well and eating enough.

at five weeks old, judah began fighting for his life due to relatively simple conditions and illnesses (by U.S. standards) such as diarrhea and pneumonia.  the child survival program provides regular home visits, checkups, vaccinations, education, and access to further needed medical care. 

these are just a few of the gifts that the addis child survival program is able to give, through our donations, to mothers and babies in that area.  in addition (and certainly vital), mothers in the CSP learn and grow spiritually through bible studies and prayer meetings, and many of them attend literacy classes as well as learn vocational and income-generating skills.

and the sponsorship program is only $20 per month!!!!  (one time gifts are welcome as well)

please consider joining with our family to give with awareness and love for these tiny ones a continent away.  our family is living proof that there is a dire need and a real face behind the terrible sting of poverty.

click HERE to learn more and to give.  THANK YOU and make sure you tweet this, like this, post this, and pass it along!!!!

(and come back tomorrow to see how izzy's been doing her part to keep things, um, interesting around here.)

quick update...

this weekend is packed with festivities for a wedding i'm shooting, but before i jet out for the day, i wanted to write a quick update on where we are with compassion in terms of getting things set up for donations in judah's name.  we got an email on thursday that their internet team is in the process of getting a CSP established online that all donations will go to.

but here's what we're the most excited about...the child survival program that they're setting us up with is in addis ababa, ethiopia!!!!  addis is the capital of ethiopia, it's where we'll travel to to pick up a little guy when that time comes, but most importantly, it's where judah died and is now buried.  i can't think of a better place in this whole world for our gifts to go!

we're praying that because of judah's death and the loving donations from friends, family, and those we haven't even met yet, countless other infants and children will run, laugh,  and play in addis rather than die there.

while we're waiting for the specific link to be available, you can still click HERE to donate in judah's name.  it looks like you're giving to a program in another country (which is wonderful, too!), but there is a reference code embedded in the hyperlink that connects your giving to judah.  please go ahead and mention "judah lewis" in the special instructions section at the bottom of the page as well.

thank you so much for loving us, for loving judah, and for loving ALL the mothers and babies that the addis ababa child survival program will serve!!!

they're still all smiles

a car accident that totaled our car two weeks ago.  the death of a baby brother they couldn't wait to meet last week.

these little people have been through a lot recently.  but despite the trauma of a wreck, treks around town to a bajillion car dealerships, countless phone calls and visits from the insurance companies, more calls to and from the adoption agency, plus a weepy momma, these sweet babies just keep on smiling.

we're blessed.

when the bandaid gets ripped off

i'm weary, i'm sad, and i'm in need of a good cry (another one, that is).  so i'm going to make this quick.  we had to have some very difficult conversations with our agency this afternoon that have led us to make some even more difficult decisions tonight.  the past two days have been full of healing, but after today, the wound is feeling kind of raw again. 

no less hope, just more hurt. 

do you not know?  have you not heard?
the LORD is the everlasting GOD, the creator of the ends of the earth. 

he will not grow tired or weary, 

and his understanding no one can fathom.

he gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.
they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, 

they will walk and not be faint.

isaiah 40:28-31

now that's what i call an answered prayer

UPDATE: compassion has the direct link to the addis ababa, ethiopia CSP up and running now.  click the link above to go directly there.

ORIGINAL POST:
on friday when we got the phone call that judah had died that morning, the forceful weight of grief came crushing down on us.  and i didn't just do the weeping thing.  i did the lay-on-the-floor-in-a-fetal-position-sobbing-so-hard-that-i-could-barely-breathe thing.

it wasn't pretty.

but as i mentioned in this post, i just couldn't escape that still, quiet voice that kept reminding me of the very purpose for which we had named our precious baby.  judah - "to praise".  i suppose it's one of the mysteries of the LORD, but josh and i felt that judah's death could wreck our hearts while simultaneously provide us with a beautiful opportunity to praise GOD for his goodness, mercy, and love.  through the pain, we clung desperately to isaiah 55:8-11:

"for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.  "as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.  as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what i desire and achieve the purpose for which i sent it."

we knew that GOD had a larger purpose in what was happening -- we just didn't know what it was, and we surely didn't know how to get there.  so we prayed...

we prayed for the LORD to extend judah's influence far beyond the six weeks he lived on earth.  we asked him to give us clear direction on how we should move ahead.  but most importantly, we prayed that through his grace, we could affect significant change in judah's name -- for GOD's glory. 

now fast-forward to monday night.  i sat down at my computer knowing i wanted to write something in regards to the realities of poverty and its effect on the world's tiniest people, but i was kind of clueluess as to where to start.  so again, i prayed and asked GOD to make my post all about his message.  and it kind of flowed freely from there.  but as i pushed the "publish" button, i made one more request. 

"please multiply the reach and the effect of this message."

well, my friends, i'm enormously thrilled and humbled to share with you that since last night, the hope of judah's life and death has reached more people than i could have ever imagined by way of almost 1,400 hits on this blog.  WHAT?!?  i've gotten facebook messages, calls, and emails from people throughout the united states today, many of whom shared that this is the first time that the terrible sting of poverty has been a reality in their lives.

people are hurting for these babies -- and they're taking action.

but the good news doesn't stop there!!  a representative from compassion international contacted us this afternoon with this incredible message:

"we're working right now to see if we can choose one CSP center and provide a direct weblink for you to put on your blog. in the meantime, we’ve also alerted sponsor donor services to flag any CSP donations that have special comments with your family’s name/reference."

ok, that just gives me chills.  god is so faithful and good.  thank you so very much for helping to spread the word up to this point -- but don't stop now!!  please keep linking, posting, and tweeting about judah -- and learn more about how your one-time or monthly donation can change the lives of mothers and babies by clicking HERE to visit compassion international's child survival program website.  and if you give, make sure to add judah's name to the special instructions section at the bottom of the donation page.

i can't wait to see what the short life of a six-week-old infant --combined with the magnificent power of an eternal LORD -- can achieve.

more than a statistic

UPDATE:  compassion has graciously worked with us to get a child survival program in addis ababa, ethiopia (where judah died and is now buried) set up online for direct donations in his name.  click the link for more information.

ORIGINAL POST:

there's a reality that's been slowly creeping up on me over these past few days.  i don't consider it a bad thing.  in fact, i pray that it's a reality that etches itself permanently in my heart and mind and that it serves as a launching pad for action in my life and the lives of those i come into contact with.

the reality is this:  judah's death was preventable.  his initial illness and symptoms were preventable.  his poor state of health that made him more susceptible to the effects of those symptoms was preventable. 

this whole thing was preventable.

before i type another word, i want you to understand that i'm not angry in the least.  i'm not angry with his orphanage or the doctors and nurses who cared for him, and i'm certainly not angry with GOD.

but i am determined.

since judah died on friday, several people have asked us if we're going to continue in the adoption process, if we're still going to pursue bringing another baby here from ethiopia to be a part of our family.  and without a single second of hesitation, the answer is a resounding YES.  a large part of our decision to adopt in the first place was the painful awareness of the life-threatening difficulties that many orphans enslaved to poverty face throughout the world and the prayerful desire to take a child out of that cycle. 

so now that we've felt the sting of poverty firsthand, how could we do anything other than forge ahead more passionately than we were before?

i don't want a word of this message to be spoken from atop the proverbial soapbox.  to be up on my soapbox would put me in a position to speak down to those around me, and this is a message and a call that we're praying through within our own family as well.  we certainly don't have this all figured out.  but the death of a baby that we loved passionately has brought us to a place of unimaginable pain and acute awareness of something that we can all take action to prevent.

with those things said, let me share a couple of statistics with you:

• worldwide, 24,000 children under the age of 5 die every single day from preventable diseases.  most of those deaths occur in the earliest time of a child's life.  
• several of these preventable diseases have been identified as the "big six baby killers", and they are malaria, measles, HIV/AIDS, diarrhea, pneumonia, and malnutrition.  

if you're like me, those stats feel enormously overwhelming- but entirely abstract.  if that's the case, let me share something else with you.

meet our son, judah alexander lewis.

he was born on june 26, 2010 weighing only 4.4 pounds.  in his fifth week of life, he began suffering from severe vomiting and diarrhea.  within days he had developed pneumonia, but his already malnourished body wasn't strong enough to fight.

he died early in the morning on august 13, 2010. 

that's real.  that's painful.  and that was preventable.

a couple of people who have called or come by to check on us during the last few days have mentioned that they're angry with GOD for letting this happen.  they're angry that the LORD would allow a defenseless baby to suffer and die at the hands of poverty.  but i'd like to offer another view on that point.  scripture clearly addresses the christian's call to help those who are in need and to defend the cause of the weak time and time again.  i wonder what would happen if, as believers, we became uncomfortable in our excess and we took seriously the LORD's commands throughout his word.

• "defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked." psalm 82:3-4 
• "he who despises his neighbor sins, but blessed is he who is kind to the needy." proverbs 14:21
• "he who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors GOD." proverbs 14:31
• "he who is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward him for what he has done." proverbs 19:17   
• "if a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered." proverbs 21:13 
• "a generous man will himself be blessed, for he shares his food with the poor." proverbs 22:9
• "the righteous care about justice for the poor, but the wicked have no such concern." proverbs 29:7 
• "if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday." isaiah 58:10 
• "religion that GOD our father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." james 1:27 
• "if anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of GOD be in him? dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." 1 john 3:17-18 

as i mentioned before, josh and i are working through some of these issues in our own lives, and there are a couple of things i want to share about what we know up to this point.  first of all, handouts are not what this is about.  while i agree that meeting an immediate need that's staring you in the face can be a good thing, i think there's a better way to live out this type of love.  investing our time, money, and other resources into sustainable aid provides our giving the opportunity to extend beyond the immediate.  becoming involved in long-term projects doesn't just help people now, it changes lives today, tomorrow, and far beyond.

let me give you an example from an organization that we love and believe in.  compassion international is most known for their sponsorship program in which sponsors have a certain child that they sponsor each month with a set amount of money that goes toward the child's physical, educational, and spiritual development.  we love and participate in that program, but compassion has another mission that is particularly near and dear to our hearts.  their child survival program (CSP) is unique in that it focuses specifically on mother and child units, both prenatal and neonatal.  expectant mothers learn proper prenatal care in an effort to deliver healthy babies, but the local CSP doesn't stop there.  recognizing the dire effects of poverty on babies and young children, they work with the mothers to provide proper nutrition, education, and medical care -- as well as opportunities for the generation of income for the family. 

but most importantly, all of this is done through the local community under the umbrella of the local church.  it's a process that takes a family who is enslaved to the pains of poverty and methodically turns the tide of their fate toward that of health, education, and sustainable income.

enough of that and whole communities can turn around.

please consider joining with us(*) to sponsor a child survival program in judah's name.   i can't think of a better way to honor him than to commit $20 a month to help other babies like him live far beyond the short six weeks he was here on earth. 



*i changed our blog back to be publicly read because i want as many people as possible to hear this message.  please help me reach farther by linking back here or by posting this message on facebook or twitter.