somebody to bunk with

we had been in the bicycle aisle for about twenty minutes already letting jack try out a "big-boy bike" that he has no idea he's getting for his birthday next month.  we talked, we laughed, and we apologized profusely to the lady he almost took out because of his total lack of understanding when it comes to brakes.

but i had more important things to do. 

as i was laying in bed reading late last night, something caught my eye.  i looked up and saw a roach walking precariously along the crown molding -- right. above. my. head.  based on my reaction, it might as well have been a rabid pit bull because in one swift frenzy of a move, i threw the covers back, flew out of bed, shook josh awake, and whisper-yelled something to the effect of, "A ROACH IS ABOUT TO FALL ON YOUR FACE!!"

he was up.

i don't do roaches.  so i had made it my mission to hit wal-mart first thing this morning to get some concoction of spray/bait/house/bomb that would get rid of any and all friends our late-night invader might have had.  so as we made our way from the bike aisle to the annihilate roaches aisle, we passed by a furniture section.  as we've recently been looking at houses and talking about new sleeping arrangements for all the little people, we've mentioned the possibility of getting bunk beds.

so when we approached an adorable bunk bed set with blue bedding on it, i excitedly said, "look jack!  you and judah could sleep on beds like that one day!  you could sleep on the top one, and he could sleep on the bottom one."

i looked at him expecting a big "wow!" reaction of some sort, but he was just staring at me with this weird kind of look on his face.

and then it hit me.

i moved my eyes over to josh and said quietly, "i'm sorry.  i don't know why i just said that."

it's weird how much a part of our family judah still feels.  how do i miss somebody i never met?  and how does his absence feel so strong when he was never really present?  i loved that little boy so very much, and i don't suppose that's ever going to change.

sad night.  sad mommy.

but because i'm trying to get better about getting back to the picture part of this blog, here's one that always makes me happy and thankful...

one day jack will have somebody to bunk with, too.