The Roller Coaster

I've never been a big fan of roller coasters. I've ridden my fair share of them, but I can think of probably 275 things I would rather do than hop on a roller coaster at this point in my life. Contrary to my "in-a-perfect-world" wishes, though, I now find myself on a roller coaster of pretty large proportions. The fact that we have no income now (other than the big bucks rolling in from Allison Lewis Photography!) is not itself the roller coaster...it's the up-and-down emotions I find myself dealing with that have my head spinning.
Now don't get me wrong. I believe, no I know, that every single word of Scripture is true. I know that God is sovereign and that He only wants His best (not mine) for His children. I know that God ordained this event to happen in our lives. I know that He will provide for every one of our needs. But in my fickle human nature, I let fear and doubt creep into my mind, and I begin to worry (that's the nausea-inducing plummet part of the ride). Then I pray and ask God to forgive my doubts and to fill me once again with His peace (now I'm slowly climbing back up to a nice view of the world around me). Then I nose-dive back into fear...you get the picture.
I realize that this isn't a rosy picture of someone who has her life all together. Someone who never fears or worries. But this is my reality right now, and I don't think God is offended by it. He never asks me to be perfect...He just asks me to trust Him. I know God is at work and that He has every step of this journey already mapped out for us.

I'm just having a hard time feeling that tonight.

I mentioned my photography business and joked about the "big bucks" it's bringing in. We certainly couldn't live off of it, but it really is neat to see how God opened that door at just the right time to provide us with at least a little income during this trial. October sessions filled up back in early September, so I'm thankful for the "more-than-nothing" we'll have coming in this month. I actually had a session today with a family I used to work with back in my special ed. teaching days. They were a wonderful part of my life then, and it was great to reconnect with them today.

My precious sister-in-law told me that it helps her when I list specific things to pray for, so here is tonight's little list: pray that God will comfort us and fill us to the brim with peace, pray that He will show us a clear direction in regards to Josh's next job, and pray that that next job will come available very quickly!! And thank Him that little Izzy is OK...what a blessing! :-)


This post has been a bit "all over the place," so forgive me for rambling. I think getting my thoughts out here is good for me, and it helps me gain perspective on everything. For all I know, I may be the only one reading our blog, but even so, it's a good meeting place for my thoughts, my prayers, and my struggles.

Good night to all (or no one!) :-)

allison