Where I Am

So I mentioned a few days back that I was going to do a post on where we are in our adoption, right? Well, I was visiting with my precious friend, Anna, today, and she asked about what was going on with our baby and what I was planning on sharing. While I've tried to "write" this post in my mind a hundred times, it always seems to result in a blubbering, invisible mess. But not wanting to forget the emotions of where I am right now (and one day wanting my son to know how much I loved him before I even met him), I'm finally putting my fingers to the keyboard to record what will probably still be a blubbering mess...but at least this way I'll be able to see it.

The logistics of where we stand:
We completed the US end of our paperwork and submitted it to the Ethiopian government on August 25. At the time, our agency told us to expect a 3-4 month wait for our referral. So if you do the math, we're hoping to maybe hear something between Thanksgiving and Christmas. He could be anywhere between two weeks and 6 months old when he's referred to us, and assuming we accept the referral, we'll begin another much shorter round of paperwork to be submitted to the courts in Ethiopia. We'll hopefully "go to court" a couple of months later (our agency has Power of Attorney for us so we won't actually be there for that portion of the process), and once we pass court, he'll be. our. son.

Legally ours. Forever.

Now here's the emotional part of where we are:
I'm in awe of how much I love this little boy I've never even met. I'm overwhelmed by the love I have for a child whose name I don't know and whose face I've never seen. There are days that it almost hurts to think about him because I so desperately want to hold him. To kiss him. To tell him how hard we tried to get to him as soon as we could.

We submitted our application for adoption in January of this year, and for the first few months, "he" seemed so abstract to me that it was easy to know that I would love him...but to not actually feel love. After all, I had no clue who this little guy was going to be. I knew nothing about him.

But just as it happened with each of our other children as I carried them in my belly, the more time I've spent thinking about him -- and the more time I've spent praying for him -- the more I long to have him with me. I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but somewhere along the way, I went from wanting this baby on a conscious, decided level -- to loving him in the very depths of my soul.

God spoke so clearly to us concerning this adoption, and it's nothing short of fascinating to feel the passion He's birthed in our hearts through this journey for children who are hungry, hurting, and who don't have the blessing of a mommy and daddy to love them and to take care of them. As I watch my own children, it breaks my heart to think of them having to do without a mommy's love when they're sick and just need to be held. It tears at my emotions to imagine them having to do without a daddy's strong assurance when they're scared and just need to be comforted. And it makes every ounce of love in me shout, "NO!" when I think about them, as infants, lying in a dirty crib, no longer trying to cry because they've learned that no one will come even if they do.

We're determined that at least one little boy in Ethiopia will not have to do without.

Please be in prayer for us as we enter these last stages of adoption. It's a bit of a helpless feeling to know that this is completely out of our hands now. I can't send paperwork all over the United States for authentication. I can't spend hour upon hour filling out forms and meeting with social workers.

All we can do now is wait and pray for patience as God works in His perfect timing to unite a baby boy in Ethiopia with a family in Birmingham, Alabama who desperately wants to bring glory to God's name by loving that little guy and making him their own.